Unread Messages (257)
by Bonnie Holmes
Summary: MAJOR SPOILER IN SYNOPSIS! Watch 'The Six Thatchers' first. The text messages Sherlock sent to his best friend, John Watson, the days after Mary's death.
1. DAY ONE

**DAY ONE**

02:42

John, please open the door…

SH

.

 _Seen 02:43_

 _._

John, please. Please let me in.

SH

.

 _Seen 02:47_

 _._

At least let me help with Rosie.

SH

.

 _Seen 02:52_

 _._

Please let me help...

.

 _Seen 02:54_

03:23

Come back to Baker Street.

SH

.

Bring the baby and we'll go back to home.

Mrs. Hudson is there. She'll help. We both will.

SH

.l

 _Seen 03:29_

03:43

John; the thought of you being all alone in

there is worrying me.

SH

.

 _Seen 03:43_

 _._

John, please talk to me.

.

 _Seen 03:45_

 _._

If I have to sit out here in the

rain all night then I will; but

I'm not leaving you

.

 _Seen 03:47_

04:34

Rosie's been crying for twenty

minutes. Is everything okay?

SH

.

…John?

.

John, if you're struggling, let

me intervene.

.

 _Seen 04:55_

 _._

Ignore me but please don't

neglect her, John; she's precious.

.

John, please, as her Godfather,

please let me help her.

.

 _Seen 04:58_

 _._

Please, John! Don't leave her

alone. She needs you.

.

 _Seen 05:01_

 _._

You promised, Mary, John.

.

 _Seen 05:06_

05:14

Thank you…

.

 _Seen 05:18_

06:07

Please let me in. I can hear you by

the door. Just reach up and turn the latch.

I know you can do it, John, please.

.

 _Seen 06:08_

 _._

I'm begging you, please let me in.

.

 _Seen 06:11_

 _._

Please don't cry…

I can't bare it.

.

 _Seen 06:14_

06:31

What if I get somebody else?

.

 _Seen 06:31_

 _._

How about Molly? If I get Molly, will

you let her in?

.

 _Seen 06:34_

 _._

Please let one of us in, John.

.

 _Seen 06:42_

07:15

Molly's here.

.

I'll go…

.

Whatever you need, just tell me.

12:00

Please call me.

SH

.

I need to know you're okay.

SH

15:04

Is there anything I can do?

.

I could go up to the shops and get

some things you might need?

.

Milk? Haha.

.

Get it? Because I never got…

…the milk.

.

I'm sorry. I just…

I couldn't think of what

else to say.

.

 _Seen 16:35_

18:47

I'm worried about you. Please just reply to

me once. Even if it's to tell me to go to hell.

.

 _Seen 18:48_

23:51

 _Please forgive me._

 _._

* * *

 _ **I'm going to be posting a new day every day until the new episode on Sunday. Want to leave a review?**_


	2. DAY TWO

**_Hello, everyone. Thank you for favouriting and following my story, I guess you can call it a story in an informal way. It received a far better reception than I expected. I thought it was just drivel. Waking up to five reviews after six hours hours was a little bit amazing. I've replied DM to you all but as I can't DM guest reviews, I'd just like to say thank so much you two for your kind words. Hope this one is okay._**

* * *

 **DAY TWO**

07:16

The Sun's out this morning.

.

Let's go out.

.

 _Seen 07:29_

 _._

We can talk, if you want.

.

Sorry I forgot my to add my initials. It's Sherlock.

.

I thought I ought to say as you've

undoubtedly deleted my number

by now.

.

 _Seen 07:34_

 _._

I'm sorry.

.

 _Seen 07:47_

09:57

Did you sleep okay?

SH

.

 _Seen 10:00_

 _._

…Is Rosie okay?

.

 _Seen 10:11_

 _._

If Molly needs a break I'll happily

come round and lend a hand

SH.

.

 _Seen 10:37_

11:17

Please may I do something?

SH

.

 _Seen 11:18_

 _._

I want to help in any way I can.

.

 _Seen 11:21_

12:31

Mrs. Hudson says she's organising the

funeral with one of Mary's friends. It's

the one that was second bride's maid at

the wedding, isn't it?

.

Sorry, I've just realised how utterly

inappropriate that was.

.

How a bit not good…

.

Can I assist?

.

I'm really very good a flower arranging.

.

I worked in a florist's for two and a

half years when I was fourteen.

.

Did I ever tell you?

14:51

Molly's not answering her phone.

Are you all alright?

17:03

Please open you're messages, John. You haven't

picked them up in five hours. It's making me

very anxious.

SH

18:12

John, please.

.

Please. I need to know you're okay.

.

Gosh, what am I saying, of course

you're not okay.

.

John, what can I do, please? I can't bear

the thought of you facing this alone.

19:57

I feel sick with worry. Please, please

just answer me.

SH

.

John?

.

Oh God, John, please.

.

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (20:41)_

 _._

John, I beg you, please pick up.

.

John, I don't deserve a mercy but

please, please just…

21:41

John, I'm really scared now. What's happening? 

22:37

John, I can't get hold of anyone and I'm

beginning to panic. I've just gone down to

Mrs. Hudson's flat and she's not there.

Molly's not picking up. Even Lestrade

is going to voicemail. John, are you alright?

.

Is Rosie ill?

.

John, please, I need information.

.

I'm going mad, John, please.

.

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (23:19)_

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (23:31)_

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (23:37)_

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (23:41)_

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (23:42)_

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (23:44)_

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (23:45)_

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (23:46)_

 _._

John, please just…

.

Please let me know that you're alive.

…

 _Seen 23:51_

...

* * *

 ** _Was that okay? I'll be posting another tomorrow. Reviews are always welcome._**


	3. DAY THREE

**_Salutations. Here's day three. I just wanted to say thank you to you all for being so supportive. I'm overwhelmed by the response that I've had in such as short space of time. I can't quite get my head around it. I hope this one lives up to expectations._**

* * *

 **DAY THREE**

03:41

I've just had a sort of dream – nightmare,

really. You are Rosie you were… we'll

you weren't…

.

You're okay? Both of you?

.

You'd tell me if you weren't, right?

.

You'd tell me if something was bad

or wrong, right?

.

Sorry, I meant to say, this is Sherlock.

.

…Again.

.

But then you probably already knew

that I suppose.

.

Who else has the indecency to text

someone in the middle of the night?

.

I'm sorry. I just…

.

My dream scared me and I just

needed to know you were both safe.

.

Are you both safe?

.

Sorry.

.

Sorry, I'll… I'll just shut up now.

.

…I miss you.

.

 _Seen 04:37_

08:15

John, about that last message…

.

 _Seen 08:16_

 _._

I didn't mean to.

.

I didn't know what I was thinking.

.

It was selfish to even think that.

Forgive me, I was being stupid.

.

10:51

How's everyone this morning?

SH

.

I thought I might pop round. Say Hi to Molly

and Rosie and you, if you'll let me.

SH

.

I would very much like to see you all.

SH

.

It's a bit strange- being all on my own. Not

having you or Mary; or having Molly and

Greg to work with. I don't even have Mrs.

Hudson really, at the moment, what with…

.

Hasn't been like this in years.

.

Sorry, I've just realise that second to

last one sounded like an accusation.

.

It's not. It's defiantly not. Nobody

Could have predicted what happened…

.

The more I reflect on it in my head,

the worse it gets.

.

 _Seen 13:24_

 _._

…Is it the same for you?

.

 _Seen 13:28_

 _._

I barely understand what

happened. It was such a blur.

.

 _Seen 13:31_

 _._

I should have shut up…

.

 _Seen 13:48_

 _._

If I hadn't insisted on everything being

so clever, showing off, if I had just

keep my mouth shut instead of reeling

off all of those stupid little deductions

about Vivian Norberry than perhaps

none of this would have happened.

.

 _Seen 13:52_

 _._

You'd still have her.

.

Mary.

.

And Rosie would still have a mum...

.

I owe that little girl everything.

.

 _Seen 14:04_

 _._

14:28

Please let me come round and visit.

SH

.

I want to lend a hand.

.

Please.

.

I'd give you my hands if I could.

Please just let me do something

for you all.

SH

.

I could bring things you need?

Bread and such stuff.

.

I could even stay and cook

dinner, if you like?

.

…If you're hungry.

.

17:54

Molly doesn't look inclined to let me in.

SH

.

John, I'm not sure I understand what's going on.

.

…You didn't really say that, did you? It'a not that I don't trust Molly but...it just...

.

It doesn't make sense.

.

…Please, John. I just want to help you.

.

 _Seen 18:05_

 _._

John, I need to look after you. You're my

best friend.

.

 _Seen 18:09_

 _._

Please, John…

.

 _Seen 18:16_

 _._

…I'll leave you alone.

.

 _Seen 18:25_

 _._

I've left a couple of bags of shopping

on your doorstep. Just groceries.

Things I thought you might need.

.

 _Seen 18:29_

 _._

I couldn't be more sorry, John.

.

 _Seen 18:35_

 _._

19:51

I've been looking at your note for

the past twenty minutes. I'm not

sure I want to open it. I'm afraid

of what it says.

.

22:24

…John?

.

John, can you please call me?

.

John, please. I don't think

I understand.

.

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (22:41)_

 _._

Tell me you don't mean that.

.

John, you don't mean that.

I know you don't.

.

Please call me and explain what's going

on. I'm really worried about you.

.

 _John Watson missed a call from you. (23:05)_

 _._

Please, please, pick up, John.

.

I need you…

.

* * *

 ** _Was that okay? Let me know :) It's going to get a little bit more serious and emotionally ouchy from here on in. Hold onto your hats._**


	4. DAY FOUR

**_Sorry, I didn't post yesterday. I stayed late in college to get some work done and then promptly fell asleep. It posted late tonight. (It's just gone 2AM in England, right now) because I've been in London at Eailing Studios. Gary Oldman was there and the guy who plays Gollum was too. His animation company is there. It was pretty cool to go onto the sound stages that the Imitation Game was filmed on. Hopefully I'll get to study there. :) Hope this chapter's okay. Get's a bit aghast-y for a moment so proceed with caution if you're a triggery person. I promise I will respond to all your lovely reviews tomorrow afternoon x_**

* * *

 **DAY FOUR**

07:58

How are you this morning?

SH

.

Is Rosie okay? Molly?

SH

.

 _Seen 08:15_

 _._

Don't suppose you've heard from

Greg at all, have you? I could do with

something to turn my mind away

from…everything.

SH

.

Listen, John, what you said

yesterday…

.

 _Seen 08:45_

 _._

I forgive you.

.

 _Seen 08:46_

 _._

When you said you

wish you'd never met me…

.

When you said you wished

I had stayed dead…

.

 _Seen 08:51_

 _._

I forgive you because I know

you're hurting.

.

You're grieving and you're

probably even scared - The

prospect of being on only

parent. But it doesn't have

to be that way.

.

Come home. Come back to

Baker Street. I'll sort the rent

so that you don't have to worry a

about work. Me and Mrs. Hudson will

be here to help with Rosie whenever

you want or need it and we'll

be here to support you too.

.

 _Seen 09:16_

.

John, please understand that we love you

and just want to look after you.

.

 _Seen 09:22_

 _._

Please don't forget everything we were…

What we all were. You never let anyone

give up on me and I'm not going to start

by giving up on you.

.

 _Seen 09:34_

 _._

Please, John. I want to help.

.

 _Seen 09:41_

 _._

11:30

Why don't you come round? Or we'll go

for a walk to the top of Parliament Hill

or something?

.

Don't stay cooped up inside. God knows,

I know, it don't do any good to you.

.

12:46

John is everything okay…?

.

13:23

John, are you alright? I'm a little bit worried.

.

14:09

Sorry, I know I keep bothering you,

and I'll stop, but I have an anxious

feeling that's something's not

right. Can you let me know you're

okay, please?

SH

.

14:53

John. Worried now.

SH

.

John, please.

.

15:09

John, I've just had Molly on the phone

crying and Mrs. Hudson's just burst

into the flat panicked because you've

been locked in your room for a while

now. Please talk to me.

SH

.

John, please, I'm a little scared right now.

SH

.

 _John Watson_ _missed_ _a call from you. (15:16)_

 _._

I want to respect your decisions but

I'm not going to let you do this to yourself.

Please tell me how you're feeling.

.

John, if you don't respond to me

or Mrs. Hudson or Molly or Greg in

the next hour, I'm going to come round.

SH

.

What thoughts are going on in your head?

I don't care what they are but please just talk.

SH

.

…John?

.

John, on a scale of one to ten, what

is your current crisis level?

.

 _Seen 16:09_

 _._

John, please answer me. This is important.

.

 _Seen 16:13_

 _._

John, the fact you're still reading my

messages but not replying to them

indicates to me that you need help.

.

It's the type of active silence…

.

…I implore you; don't do it.

.

 _Seen 16:20_

 _._

What's in the room with you?

.

 _Seen 16:24_

 _._

FROM JOHN: Sleeping pills and pain Killers.

.

Okay.

.

Okay. Just promise me you won't do

anything until I'm there.

.

 _Seen 16:33_

 _._

John, promise me!

.

 _Seen 16:36_

 _._

If not for me then for Rosie _. Please._

 _._

 _Seen 16:38_

 _._

FROM JOHN: Okay. For her, only her; I promise.

.

Thank you! I'll be there ASAP. For now,

I won't leave. I'll stay one the end

of the phone. Message me.

.

 _Seen 16:42_

 _._

17:29

John? John, I'm here. I'm outside your

bedroom door.

.

I know you don't want to talk,

so we'll text, yeah?

.

 _Seen 17:31_

 _._

John, what can I do to help?

.

FROM JOHN: I need her back. Get her back.

.

I know. I know, John. And it hurts.

.

FROM JOHN: What would you know?

.

I know what it is to loose someone

so important indefinitely.

.

FROM JOHN: No, you don't. You're a cold-hearted machine.

.

Yes. That's not a lie. But you've

shown me in recent years what

friendship means, what love is

supposed to be.

.

FROM JOHN: Oh, shut up! You weren't even there for two of them!

.

And that hurt me every day.

.

FROM JOHN: Why did you have to come back?

Why couldn't you have just stayed dead?

.

Do you wish I had?

.

FROM JOHN: Yes. My wife is dead because of you.

.

I failed you. I know I did.

My brain didn't work fast enough.

.

 _Seen 18:08_

 _._

It should have been me… I know

I was the one who should have been

shot. Norberry was aiming at me. I

should be dead; not Mary. If I had

hadn't have frozen, I would have made

sure that it happened that way. That

I was the one on that got hit and

bled to death on the Aquarium floor.

I wish it had been me...

It rips me apart every time

I see an ignored message from

you because every time I see it I know

that I am the one causing you the pain.

I'm the reason you're sitting alone in

the dark, heart not broken but shattered

into unamendable shards and I know

I can do nothing to stop it.

John, if I could take my own life with

the certainty that I could make a deal

with the devil to exchange my time

for hers in return so you could live

out the rest of your life with her

instead of me, know that I would

in an instant.

.

FROM JOHN: Try.

.

* * *

 **Was that okay? Worth the wait? Review if you like. I appreciate them very much. There will be another one tomorrow.**


	5. NIGHT FOUR

_**Mega sleepy so I shall just say Goodnight, God-bless. Enjoy. I will actually reply to reviews soon, I swear! Thank you all so much for your support! X**_

* * *

 **NIGHT FOUR**

23:17

John, this is Molly. I'm borrowing

Sherlock's phone because mine's

dead. You've been in your room

for hours now. You need to come

out and you need to speak to him.

.

 _Seen 23:18_

 _._

John, we know you're in an awful lot

of emotional pain but you can't

believe that ripping Sherlock apart

emotionally is going to solve

anything.

.

 _Seen 23:25_

 _._

You do realise he's been sitting on

the living room floor trying not to

burst into tears in front of me for

the past three hour, don't you? I told

him that he should just go home but

he was adamant on staying to make

sure you're going to be alright.

.

 _Seen 23:36_

 _._

You're not the only one who's lost

someone, John. Yes, you've lost a

wife and that's indescribably hard

but we've all lost a friend. To

Sherlock, Mary was a beacon. She

was his affirmation that he was,

in fact, a good person after all.

.

 _Seen 23:51_

 _._

I don't think you understand how

important she was to him. You can

see it in his face every time he

thinks of her. There's a brightness

and a pride and it diminishes into

melancholy, the same as you.

.

 _Seen 23:58_

 _._

She said she liked him, John.

And the way his soul glows when

he thinks back on that makes me

realise that she was the only to

ever say that to him. In his mind,

he's lost the only person who ever

thought fondly of him.

Beyond her, there was you and you

did nothing short of tell him to go

kill himself. The turmoil he feels is

different from yours but, believe me,

it come with the same ferocity.

I thought if anything was going to

remain the same it was going to be

the strength of your friendship.

.

FROM JOHN:

That's before he let my wife die.

He made a vow to me.

.

And you made one to her, John.

No one could have predicted what

was going to happen that night.

.

Greg, said that she threw herself

in front of Sherlock. You can make

up your own mind of why she did

that. Maybe she thought you'd be

irreparable if you were to lose him

again. I think deep down you both

knew Sherlock was the more

important - to both of you.

.

Don't turn your own self hatred

onto him.

.

 _Seen 00:38_

 _._

FROM JOHN:

What do you expect me to say?

.

I expect you to say that you wouldn't

wish him dead in exchange for

somebody else. You've known

Sherlock for a long time, John, but

don't think for a second that you

know him. He's almost always

shown you the best of him. He may

be smart but he's stupid enough

and cares for you enough that

if you we're to tell him to drop dead,

he would. Do you honestly want

that?

.

FROM JOHN:

Yes.

.

Think that through and

answer me again.

.

FROM JOHN:

He should have been dead so he

may as well be.

.

How can you say that…?

.

You don't deserve the love he

has for you if you think that

that is okay.

.

FROM JOHN:

Give him the phone.

.

Are you going to hurt him?

.

FROM JOHN:

He can't be hurt. He's a machine.

.

I don't know what to say to you

anymore.

.

If I hadn't promised Mary I'd

be God-Mother to Rosie if, God-Forbid,

anything should happen to either of you

then I don't think I could be here

because I'm not sure I want to know

you anymore.

.

Sherlock is my friend. And I don't

think I can be friends with someone

who wishes him dead, no matter

what they've been through.

.

FROM JOHN:

Molly, give him his phone.

.

I'm warning you, if Sherlock

goes off of the deep end, I

will not forgive you.

.

FROM JOHN:

Molly, just give him the damn phone.

.

John?

.

FROM JOHN:

Sherlock?

.

Yes.

.

FROM JOHN:

Sherlock, go home.

.

Not until I know you're okay.

Not until I know you're not

going to do anything drastic.

.

FROM JOHN:

I won't if you leave.

.

How can I know that's true?

.

FROM JOHN:

You're Mr. Clever - Work it out.

.

I'll go if you give me all the

tablets in your room and you

eat something. Molly says

you haven't been.

.

FROM JOHN:

Well, I'm hardly going to want to.

Anyway, that's rich coming from you;

The Anorexic Junky.

.

…Just give me the pills and I'll go.

.

 _Seen 02:14_

 _._

FROM JOHN:

There. Hallway floor. Now, get out.

.

…Thank you.

.

Please tell me if you get bad again.

Even if it's just not to panic the girls.

I'll always want to listen, John.

.

 _Seen 02:20_

 _._

03:14

Can you inform, Molly that I

am home, please. She wanted

to know.

.

 _Seen 03:16_

 _._

03:37

I will always care about

you, you know, whatever you say.

Whatever you do, John, I will not

abandon you.

.

…Please, don't abandon me.

.

 _Seen 03:40_

 _._

* * *

 _ **FANCY REVIEWING? Not feeling this one was up to spec.**_


	6. DAY ELEVEN

**_Sorry, I didn't post. Haven't been overly well and I keep falling asleep haha. Here you go. The next chapter will likely be the last depending on how the episode goes tonight. (OMG I'M SO EXCITED!) Don't worry. I'll be getting back to what really matters; our two boys. [I'm going to respond to your reviews, I actually, properly super duper promise today.] X_**

* * *

 **DAY ELEVEN**

11:05

Sherlock?

.

Sherlock, it's been a while since

you've message me.

.

Messaged anyone actually.

.

Are you um…

.

Alright?

.

Sherlock?

.

John?

.

Yeah, Sherlock?

.

No.

.

No?

.

No, what? I don't understand.

.

No, not Sherlock.

.

Mycroft.

.

Oh, sorry, Mycroft, I thought

I was texting your brother's phone.

.

You are.

.

I'm not sure I understand.

.

You are texting my brother's phone.

.

I'm responding.

.

Yeah, I go that part. I meant why?

.

Surely you know why.

.

No. Nobody's been able to get a

hold of him for days.

.

Why…?

.

Why? What's wrong?

.

Perceivably, I could say that

information is no concern of yours.

.

I would strongly argue against that.

.

He's my best friend.

.

Is he now?

.

Mycroft, what is the matter with you?

.

Me? Nothing. My brother?

Quite something.

.

Can you stop doing this! Both of you

you always act so inconspicuous and

dramatic. Just give the phone to Sherlock,

please, I want to talk to him.

.

Why?

.

Jesus Christ, Mycroft. Are you serious?

.

I think you've done quite

enough talking, don't you?

.

There! You're doing it again!

Just tell me what's going on.

.

Why don't you take a promenade

through the last weeks' worth of

messages and make a deduction,

DR. Watson.

.

Mycroft, I don't have time for this!

.

You promised me you'd look

after him.

.

Mycroft, what the hell's happened?

.

You should know my brother by

now, John. He'd follow you to the

end of the Earth, as people say.

You think telling him to kill himself

would be the exception?

.

…what

.

no

.

no that's not true

.

He wouldn't, he couldn't!

.

No, but he tried.

.

Jesus, what, how?

.

Is he alright?

.

Depends on what you define as

'aright', Doctor.

.

MYCROFT! IS HE ALIVE?!

.

Yes. Just.

.

It's a good thing Scotland Yard

are as incompetent as they look.

Had a certain Gregory Lestrade

not visited your squalor on Baker

Street, that could have been it.

.

What…? Why didn't he tell me?

.

I can be persuading.

.

What did he do?

.

Can you guess?

.

Overdose…

.

From the sleeping pills and pain killers

he took from me.

.

Indeed.

.

But… he was trying to protect me.

.

That's very likely. But in allowing

yourself to be cared for you

compromised him.

.

I never could have guessed that

he would have used them for the

same purpose himself.

.

Couldn't you?

.

He was surfing a

high in a doss house after a month

of not being with you.

.

Can I see him?

.

I'm not sure that's for the best , is it?

.

Mycroft, please. I need to know

he's okay.

.

He need to know you were okay and

you froze him out, indirectly called him

a murderer and wished him dead.

.

Mycroft, this isn't a game!

.

Which is exactly why you won't be seeing

him ever again.

.

No, you can't do that.

.

Try me.

.

Mycroft, he's my best friend!

.

Yes, in his eyes, you were.

.

Shut up! Don't say that!

.

Where is he now?

.

Lying beside me, just out of intensive care.

He was there for five night and four days.

.

He's still not conscious though.

.

Not conscious…?

.

When I say 'he tried', John, I mean it.

He hadn't woken up in five days.

.

Jesus, God, just let me see him, please.

.

I'm not God. Though if we're to have

him back, that may be who you need

to go an negotiate with…

.

Good day, Doctor Watson.

.

 _Seen 12:47_

 _._

* * *

 ** _Dun, dun, dunnnnn! Sorry that was completely unnecessary. I'll be quiet now. Review?_**


	7. DAY THIRTEEN

_**Sorry for the delay everyone. Still struggling with last episode and had a bit of home life difficulty which sort of made it hard to write. I hope this is alright. It obviously doesn't fit with 'The Lying Detective' but I've incorporated a bit of it in there. Thank you for all of your beyond lovely comments. I've had more reviews in six days than I got in six months with my other story haha. I hope I got back to you all. I'm so sorry if I missed any of you. To all the GUESTS I can't reply to I'd just like to say thank you to you as well! :)**_

* * *

 **DAY THIRTEEN**

13:51

John?

.

Mycroft?

.

Oh God, Mycroft, please, don't.

.

John. I'm sorry.

.

Don't say it. I don't want to hear it.

I can't deal with it. Not him, not now.

.

John, what are you talking about?

It's me – It's Sherlock.

.

Sherlock…?

.

Sherlock, you woke up!

.

Yes.

.

And I'm so sorry. I tried, I did,

so hard but it wasn't enough.

I didn't take enough and I couldn't

get her back. John, there was

no space in Hell for me to go. She was

above in that one place I'll never

reach. I can't get there, John, and

get her back. I'm a murderer.

.

Shut up! Okay?! Shut up you

bloody ignoramus!

.

Don't you dare express

any remorse in not being

able to kill yourself!

.

Why the hell did you do that?!

.

I needed to try, John.

I needed to try are get

her back. Get Mary back.

She was the only thing

that gave you life. Kept

the demons out of your

dreams. Kept the alcohol

out of your hands.

.

I owed it to Rosie to try and

get her mother back.

.

Do you really think in ten

years time when my daughter

asks me "who's that man?" in the

picture on the mantelpiece I'm

going to be able to tell her the

truth? That that was the World's

Greatest Detective who killed

himself because of me? She

wouldn't understand. She would

never look at me the same again.

.

I don't think she'd understand

why I even let you do something

something so stupid. She wouldn't

want you dead instead of her

mother because she is already a

better person than me.

.

I don't understand why

I let you do something so

stupid. You stopped me

and I let you.

.

Is it stupid, though?

Is any of it stupid? Or

is that the reality we live in?

.

Mycroft said, before, before

you tried, you spent an evening

with a girl and you said something

to her. What was it?

.

Your life is not your own…

.

Keep your hands off it.

.

Exactly. Your life is not

yours. It's mine. And it's Mrs

Hudson's and Molly's and

Greg's and Sally's and your

Parents' and your brother's

and, Sherlock, and it's Mary's.

.

What day is it? I don't trust Mycroft to tell me the truth.

.

Sherlock, don't change the subject,

this is important. This is your life

we're talking about.

.

Last time I checked it was Saturday.

.

Thursday

.

You've been on conscious

for days. There was doubt

over whether you were going

to make it.

.

I don't understand.

.

Don't understand what?

Sherlock, you're alive! That's

all that matters.

.

I wasn't dead to begin with.

.

Yes, you were. Because I did that

to you. I killed you - on the inside.

.

That doesn't make you a

murderer, John. It makes

you human.

.

Then, if that's the case, you

are no more of a murderer

than me.

.

You didn't kill Mary. What she did

was her choice.

.

I blamed you because I need to

blame someone. You take it. You

always do. And you shouldn't have

to. That's not the reason you're my

friend.

.

It is the reason, John.

It's always has been. I've always

been the distraction from

your own guilt and feelings

of self-hate, ever since the day

we met.

.

But it's my pleasure…

.

I will always do whatever you need

to mend. To stop the pain. Even if

that means pain for me.

.

 _Seen 15:16_

.

John?

.

John, are you okay?

.

I don't deserve you.

.

Where are you? I

need to see you.

.

Look up…

...

"Hello…"

* * *

 ** _Well. Um. Yeah. That's probably it unless many of you express a strong desire for it to be otherwise. Hope you liked it and that this one wan't too shabby. It you wanted to review that would lovely. I appreciate them a lot. Best wishes with all your own endeavors. I hope the last episode is what you want it to be. X_**


End file.
